If you want something you have never had...you need to do something you have never done.

I did something this weekend that I had told myself in the past that I couldn't do.  I completed a 5K...it was amazing.  First of all, I did not do it...God did!!  I prayed the whole time claiming HIS promises.  At the beginning of the race, I was feeling alone and I realized I am not alone-God is always with me- holding me up!  I prayed and thanked Him for the feet that could walk, the legs that carried me, the body that held me up and the heart to praise HIM!
As I got to the finish line, I saw Steve smiling and cheering me on along with our daughter,Erica, I knew that they were so proud of the accomplishment.  I just knew that I wanted to share with everyone how the ability to finish the race was wholly because of God's grace, mercy and love.  To Him be the glory.  I am nothing without Him.
Tears flowed freely from my eyes...thinking of how excited my parents and sibling would have been for me.  I had finished something I started...something that has always been so hard for me...how many diets have I started and failed.  This is the beginning of a new start for me...and so thankful for my husband who supports me 100% and encourages me to be the best that I can be...as a wife, mother, sister in Christ and especially as a child of God.

3 days and counting...

So...it has been 3 days since I started back on the South Beach diet...I am feeling less bloated and less hungry all of the time.  The hardest part is remembering to stop eating everything I see...which sounds like it should be easy...but it is not!  I spent all weekend preparing food...I am trying the new Mason jar craze...made my lunches for the week..I made the Buffalo Chicken salad in a mason jar.

The baby of the family....

So, today I got on the scale and once again I have put on the same 14 pounds that I had worked so hard to lose.  I ask myself this question...when will I stop relying on my own strength...I need the Lord to accomplish in me only what He can do.  Let me start by saying, if I only had 14 pounds to lose, I wouldn't even be blogging..I am weighing in at 326 today.  WOW!  Seeing it in black and white is even scarier.  Even if I am the only one who ever reads this...it is fine...I need to write in words how I am feeling and to keep myself accountable.
The road to getting this large has been a long one..I have been big my whole life...truly...in 3rd grade I always joke around saying that I looked like a fat little boy...but truth is...it hurts.  I was the baby of the family with 3 older siblings...all of which passed away within 6 months of each other in 2012.  But, that is a whole other story which I will get to another day.
Being the baby in my family was a struggle to outshine the rest...my sister was a bubbly, lively beautiful woman who was loved by all.  My brother,Bruce, the "perfect" one my sister and I called him, was one of those people that everything he did he excelled at...he had to work hard...but he always did above and beyond..and again loved by all.  Then there was my brother,John, he was the kind of guy that made you laugh the whole time you were with him.  He was an entertainer, wanted everyone to smile.  His laughter lit up the room.  He was a hard worker and loved by all who were blessed to know him.  I always felt as if I could never be as good as any of my siblings. I was always feeling so inadequate...not as smart...or as witty....or as accomplished.  Just the fat baby sister.
I miss them so much I cannot put into words how my heart has broken to lose them.  I am a Christian and I know that I will see them again someday...but until then I surely do miss them.
On a happier note, I have a wonderful, Godly husband who loves me and supports my weight loss efforts 110%.
Even reading this, I am kicking myself, because the Lord is here with me...guiding me...but I am looking around and not at Him.  That is where today changes...I am going to fully rely on my Lord and savior Jesus Christ to fill me up with His Word...as 2 Corinthians 4:16 states: For which cause we faint not;but though ur outward man perish,yet the inward man is renewed day by day.